There’s an interesting story in today’s New York Times about the evolution of language. Apparently, a researcher has detected a common element in all language that suggests Africa is the place where humans first spoke. The more controversial outcome of the findings is the idea that “modern language originated only once,” which is apparently a hotly-debated topic among linguists. 

A bitter custody battle will be decided in California court today says the Sacramento Bee. Ms.Tilly, an 11-year-old Pomeranian, has been the subject of an ongoing legal battle between two people who claim to be her rightful owner. Ms.Tilly, who has retired from her career as a model, has been subpoenaed to appear in court. VIDEO

Chances are you haven’t seen the “Real Housewives of Hinsdale,” but you may be following them on Facebook says the Chicago Tribune. Launched last month, the women behind the reality-TV spoof say their intention is two-fold: to both poke fun at and offer a glimpse of what life is like in the tony Chicago suburb.

Sears has used the name DieHard since 1992 to sell car batteries and auto parts. But now the retailer is in court, says the Chicago Tribune, suing a Georgia company for using the name in an entirely different context—to sell a sex spray. The suit claims that RockHard’s use of the name “in connection with a numbing agent for male genitalia” is trademark infringement.

Yes, he can hear you. There’s an odd story in the New York Post this morning about the actor who played the “Can you hear me now?” guy in all those Verizon commercials. Paul Marcarelli says, “don’t feel bad for me, but I’m definitely glad that chapter is over.” Apparently, the Verizon gig made him so well-known someone actually whispered, “can you hear me now?” at his grandmother’s funeral as her body was being lowered into her grave in silence.

Should fashion designers be able to trademark a color? That’s the question at the heart of a lawsuit that reads like a “classic French farce” says the Washington Post this morning. Christian Louboutin is suing Yves Saint Laurent for using red soles on several pairs of its shoes. Louboutin, whose shoes always feature a red sole, had the design idiosyncrasy trademarked in 2008.

As the NBA playoffs draw near, the Wall Street Journal decided to assign a “mode of transport” to match the persona of each team. The Bulls are christened a “freight train,” because they’ve been “gaining momentum all season,” the Celtics morph into a “stagecoach” because they’re…old and the Heat? The Journal says the most-hyped team of the season resembles, what else, a “hot air balloon.”

The US Post Office has issued a new stamp featuring the Statue of Liberty. One problem. Instead of picturing the actual statue, someone made a mistake and used a photo of the replica from New York-New York casino in Las Vegas. The New York Times says it was a Lady Liberty “superfan” that spotted the error.

Daytime TV, as we’ve known it, is gone. Not only are Oprah and Regis both saying goodbye, ABC just announced its pulling the plug on two of its afternoon standbys, “One Life to Live” and “All My Children.” The LA Times says the decision is a financial one; both will be replaced with “lower-cost lifestyle shows.” The cancellations have also caused upheaval in the publishing world says the New York Post.

If you haven’t yet filed your tax return on this April 15th—don’t panic. This year, you’ve got until Monday. Why? Because Washington DC is observing Emancipation Day today, a holiday that celebrates the freeing of slaves. According to the Chicago Tribune, a year into the Civil War, slavery was still legal in DC. President Lincoln ended that when he signed the District of Columbia Emancipation Act on April 16, 1862. 

There’s a nice feature in today’s Wall Street Journal about what to look for, stitch-by-stitch, in a men’s suit. The goal is to find a $600 suit that is built like a $2000 dollar suit, something you can do by looking for details like curved boat pockets which better move with your body.

Hell hath no fury like a mob wife scorned. What does it really take to freak out a mob boss? His wife says the New York Daily News. Wire taps played in Brooklyn court yesterday reveal that Bonanno boss Joseph Massino was so worried about his wife’s reaction to a mistress that he sent her a bottle of champagne along with $50,000 to keep it cold.

Kate Middleton’s fashion choices have received much scrutiny during the course of her relationship with Prince William. And to help pass time until the royal wedding is upon us, the Denver Post prints a sans-clothes Kate doll, along with several outfits. Grab some scissors, says the paper, and play dress-up.

There’s a “ham on the lam” says the Philadelphia Daily News this morning. According to his owners, Steve, a six-pound pot-bellied pig, was confiscated by city officials when he went for a walk. But now officials, who say the owner’s property isn’t zoned for housing livestock, are holding Steve at an “undisclosed location” and refuse to turn him over.

A Yale student was killed in a freak accident yesterday, reports the Boston Globe, after her hair got caught in a machine in one of the campus laboratories. The 23-year-old senior, a double major in physics and astronomy, was working with an electric lathe, “used to shape metal or wood by spinning it at very high speeds.” Her body was found by her classmates working nearby.

The photo looks like a spoof on the Grant Wood classic “American Gothic.” But the Florida Times-Union says that’s actually what a Jacksonville man and his caregiver used to defend themselves against an intruder. 81-year-old Bobby Smith says he used a “pan full of fried potatoes and a pitchfork” to deter the surprised burglar. VIDEO

A man charged with killing his wife would have done himself a favor by clearing out his computer history. The Raleigh News & Observer says FBI investigators found zoomed-in images of the place his wife’s body was found on the man’s hard drive, which had been saved three days before her body was discovered.

You see this everywhere—air conditioners that don’t fit perfectly into the windows that hold them. Well, someone was significantly irked enough by this phenomenon to quantify the inefficiency caused by the air that leaks through next to badly-installed window units. The New York Times says those air gaps cost at least $130 million a year in New York City alone.

It was Barry Bonds’ own words that got him convicted of obstruction writes San Francisco Chronicle columnist Gwen Knapp. When asked whether his trainer had given him anything that required a syringe, Bonds launched into a “thoroughly irrelevant soliloquy” about being a celebrity child. Following judge’s instructions that said “evasive answers amounted to obstruction,” the jury decided Bonds was guilty.

Is this what she’s wearing to the US Open? There’s a crazy photo of Serena Williams in the Miami Herald this morning wearing a head-to-toe neon pink catsuit. The tennis star posted the picture of herself on Twitter with the caption, “look who I spotted on the court.” Honestly, it would be harder not to spot her in that get-up.

“2011 is the Year of the iPad Clone,” writes David Pogue of the New York Times. And while he’s loathe to review all the imitators flooding the market, Pogue decides R.I.M.‘s Blackberry “Playbook” is worth an investigation, as does Walt Mossberg of the Wall Street Journal and USA Today‘s Eg Baig. All three are generally impressed by the seven-inch tablet though one omission leaves all three reviewers understandably puzzled: The Playbook is crippled—no email, no calendar, no BlackBerry Messenger—when it’s not paired with a Blackberry phone. Says Pogue: “You read that right. R.I.M. has just shipped a BlackBerry product that cannot do e-mail. It must be skating season in hell.”

It probably took him 20 seconds to do it. But Jason Gay of the Wall Street Journal says “as a modern act of sportsmanship, it was far-reaching.” He’s talking about the picture Rory McIlroy tweeted en route to Malaysia. It shows the smiling 21-year-old golfer with his arm around Charl Schwartzel, who won this year’s Masters tourney after McIlroy flamed out in spectacular fashion. The caption reads: “Glad one of us has a green jacket on!!!”

Call them “spillionaires.” The Washington Post says after the Gulf oil spill, BP spent so much in the region—$16 billion so far—that it created a “gusher of money” that was disproportionately distributed and “created new divisions and even new wrongs.” Like, for example, the guy who rented BP a generator for $15,400 a month, one that usually cost $1500.

What kind of country do you want to live in? That was the premise of President Obama’s speech on the budget yesterday writes Dan Balz of the Washington Post. Outlining his plan to fix the nation’s budget shortfalls, the president said while the GOP proposal had its good points, he worried about the direction it would take the country in. VIDEO

There’s an interesting opinion piece in the Wall Street Journal this morning arguing for the return of a 18-year-old drinking age. Law professor Glenn Reynolds says Republicans would be smart to correct this “Reagan-era mistake,” which he contends would help amend their perennial status as “fuddy-duddies” in the eyes of the youth vote.

When a cop in Florida noticed a woman driving with a faulty brake light, he turned on his siren to pull her over. Not only did she ignore him, says the Sun Sentinel, she went through the drive-thru at McDonalds, ordered lunch and then continued on her way.

It will be the biggest Hot Wheels track you’ve ever seen. In honor of the Indy 500’s 100th anniversary next month, race organizers are building an enormous race track to facilitate a world-record truck jump. The much-larger-than-the-version-in-your-bedroom track will launch a 3,500-pound truck 302 feet in the air says the Indianapolis Star. VIDEO

What’s the key to curbing bad driving? The NYC Department of Transportation thinks the answer lies with backseat drivers, specifically the car-seat set. The Staten Island Advance says kids are being asked to nag their parents into obeying traffic laws.

It’s a role that’s right up her alley. Lindsay Lohan is, according to the New York Daily News, campaigning for a part in the new Gotti family biopic. Lohan has set her sights on playing Victoria Gotti. And to make herself clear, she crashed a press conference where John Travolta was formally announcing his role as the late John Gotti in the $75-million project.

They were trying to watch the BCS game when their mother slipped and fell in the living room. Twin 48-year-old brothers say that’s where they left her for three days without food and water because they couldn’t afford medical care. The Houston Chronicle says the brothers continued to live with their decomposing mother for three months before their recent arrest.