A new study has found that people who don’t get enough sleep suffer from premature aging of the brain—they have the same cognitive function as people three to seven years older. But if you’re thinking you’ll cheat the system by overindulging, think again. The Boston Globe says oversleeping has the same effect on the brain.

Singer. Songwriter. Legal Precedent. The LA Times says Bob Dylan holds a unique claim: the lyrics to his songs have been quoted in legal opinions and briefs “more often than any other songwriter.” Legal scholars say not only did Dylan’s protest songs help the passage of the 1964 Civil Rights Act, his ballads have become “models for legal storytelling and using music to make a point.”

It’s kind of like shampoo and conditioner in one. The LA Times says a new spy plane that can switch from a manned plane to an unmanned drone with a few modifications is set to be unveiled today. The company behind it hopes the Pentagon will be interested in the money-saving aircraft which can “listen in on phone conversations, use high-powered radar and shoot live video footage as it flies at 30,000 feet above the Earth.”

One minute she’s there, the next she’s gone. The New York Post says a Hasidic newspaper based in Brooklyn photoshopped Secretary of State Hillary Clinton out of the Situation Room photo released by the White House following the raid on Osama bin Laden’s compound. The paper also digitally erased the other women from the photo, Director for Counterterrorism Audrey Tomason.

The Kentucky Derby is this weekend and today the Louisville Courier-Journal introduces us to the man who stepped in to fill Tom Durkin’s shoes, Larry Collmus. It’s his first time calling the race, but the 44-year-old says he’s more excited than nervous. Durkin says he’s excited to watch this year’s race with his hands “wrapped around a mint julep” instead of a microphone.

Federal law dictates that all clothes worn by US military personnel be made in America except for one thing, says the Boston Globe: their sneakers. Because of a rule change two years ago, recruits get a shoe allowance to buy whatever shoes they want. And to the chagrin of Boston-based New Balance, their choice is often a foreign brand.

Of all the things to worry about when undergoing surgery, developing a foreign accent isn’t high on the list. But that’s exactly what happened to an Oregon woman, says the LA Times, after she went to the dentist for an operation and woke up with an accent described as “an odd mixture of Irish, Scottish and northern British, with perhaps a dash of Australian and South African for good measure.” VIDEO

Turns out, Hillary Clinton’s reaction to the news of Osama bin Laden’s death was an allergic one. According to the New York Post, the Secretary of State told reporters yesterday that what looked like a gasp was actually just her suppressing a cough: “I am somewhat sheepishly concerned that it was my preventing one of my early-spring allergic coughs. So, it may have no great meaning whatsoever.”

I understand that there’s a feeling of payback that goes with Osama bin Laden’s death. But the New York Post is pushing the boundaries with this morning’s Osama Is Dead cocktail recipes. Granted, the main story is about how bin Laden’s death was celebrated in New York City bars, but the adjacent recipes—for the Double Tap (two shots and a splash) and the Bloody Terrorist—are tasteless.

Rotary phones. 8-tracks. Paper receipts. The New York Daily News says while tech-savvy stores like Apple have done it for a long time, these days, more and more mainstream stores—Sears, Whole Foods, Billabong—are converting to paperless receipts. But not for the reasons you might think.

If you thought the last Harry Potter movie had you quaking in your seat, just wait until the next installment. The Wall Street Journal says this summer a handful movies at a handful of theaters will offer up a new level of realism to moviegoers: gyrating seats. At their highest setting, the seats reach up to “two times the acceleration caused by gravity.”

You wouldn’t think men would flock to a movie called “Bridesmaids,” but the Wall Street Journal says the latest from Judd Apatow and Kristen Wiig is a “chick flick for guys.” Trying to convince men of that, however, has been a task. Universal is running two ad campaigns—one featuring “‘Hangover’-like gross-out scenes” and one that highlights the movie’s female friendships.

What does the word friend mean? It was easier to define before Facebook, back when you called and wrote the dozen or so people who earned the label. The Boston Globe says “‘friend’’ has become ‘contested terrain’’ linguistically as social media sites alter the term’s very DNA.”

Everything, even computer chips, is going 3-D. Scientists at Intel have come up with a cool way to boost computing speeds and conserve energy in the latest generation of computers says the Oregonian: adding a third dimension to the traditionally flat transistor. Dubbed “Tri-Gate,” the technology will be widely available in laptops and computers as early as 2012.

The St. Petersburg Times asks will they sink or swim in its very good preview of this summer’s big blockbusters. Hollywood, says the Times, has been “drowning in red ink” recently—this year’s box office numbers are currently running about 15 percent behind 2010’s. The hope is that “Green Lantern, Capt. Jack Sparrow, the Hangover guys and Harry Potter” can steer the industry to calmer waters.

For just $2.4 million, you can own the house that Macaulay Culkin valiantly defended from Joe Pesci and crew in “Home Alone” reports the Chicago Tribune. The owners say they realize it’s not the best time to be selling a luxury property but think their home’s place in cinematic history will help encourage a buyer to come forward. All the booby traps, by the way, have been removed.

They thought he was a rapist and tried to say so. A Texas man is one of four charged with tattooing the word RAPEST [sic] on the forehead of a mentally-challenged man reports the Dallas Morning-News. The 18-year-old victim says he was held down and “shocked in the genitals with a stun gun.” The man’s attackers then tattooed “I like little boys” on his chest and RAPEST on his forehead. VIDEO

Remember Trump University? That’s what Donald Trump was selling before he decided to hawk himself as a potential presidential candidate. Well, the San Francisco Chronicle says a new lawsuit claims that instead of an education, the real estate mogul’s “school” offered up “expensive ‘infomercials’ disguised as educational classes that preyed on vulnerable Americans in ‘troubled economic times.’”

President Obama is scheduled to visit the World Trade Center site today. And when he does, things will look a lot different. The New York Daily News has great before and after photos of the progress. Not much had been accomplished when Obama visited back in 2008; today, “it is no longer The Pit.”

Jon Caramanica writes an excellent column in today’s New York Times about Jennifer Lopez.  He says she is the most cogent and helpful judge “American Idol” has ever had.  And without being mean about it, he says that’s because Jennifer Lopez is sharing what she has put into practice, calling her a “woman of modest talents who has nevertheless triumphed.”

We know not to judge books by their covers. You should also refrain from judging hotel rooms by their online photos says USA Today—and not because you may be pleasantly surprised. Special lenses, deceptive angles, even straight up stock photos are often used to sell customers on hotel rooms that look little to nothing like the rooms they’ll actually be given. Speaking of hotel rooms, the New York Times says business travelers are unanimous when asked what amenity they’d like to see added to their rooms: power outlets.

Jerry Seinfeld believes in portion control. That’s why his new website, which debuts tomorrow, will only offer three video clips from Seinfeld’s long and storied stand-up career a day. As he explains to the New York Times: “Burger King now has a burger where you decide how many patties. How disgusting is that? That’s the problem right there. That’s the cultural moment that I am repudiating here.”

Forget the rides. For celebrities, it’s all about pimping the kids. Children, it seems, are the hottest accessories around. The New York Post says bringing children into the fold is a “surefire way to soften your image, drum up support for your brand [and] simply remind the public that you exist.”

When he wasn’t chopping down cherry trees,he was brewing beer. The Wall Street Journal prints George Washington’s beer recipe in this morning’s paper. The former president included a recipe for something called “small beer” in his 1757 treatise, “Notes as a Virginia Colonel.”  This month, the New York Public Library, which owns the document, has partnered with a brewery to recreate Washington’s recipe.

A new federal regulation that went into effect last weekend could make it more difficult to get a passport reports the St. Paul Pioneer Press. The new law makes it illegal for the same clerk that issued your birth certificate to issue you a passport. It’s a security measure to make sure no one with a friend on the inside can simply buy a new identity.

Did you know that woman have smaller tear ducts than men? That means if a man and a woman both tear up, the woman’s will end up on her cheeks much faster than a man’s. The Wall Street Journal says several new studies are looking at why humans cry, and how the experience and stimuli are different for men and women.

When’s the last time you snacked on some wood? More recently than you think, says the Wall Street Journal. Cellulose, which is made up of “minuscule pieces of wood pulp,” is the “new darling” of the processed food industry. Not only does it thicken and stabilize food, it can reduce fat and boost fiber content.

Chicago Tribune columnist Clarence Page describes his reaction to Osama Bin Laden’s death after his philosophy-major son questioned whether it was morally correct to cheer the death of anyone. Page says his internal choice was between “going Old Testament”—an eye for an eye—or “going New Testament”—turning the other cheek. He says though the former won, he wasn’t cheering for death—he was cheering for justice.

Three weeks after it was stolen, and a week after it was announced he was giving up his US citizenship, a plaque honoring the birthplace of Superman was returned reports the Cleveland Plain-Dealer. Locals say the swirl of publicity surrounding the theft made it “as radioactive as a chunk of kryptonite.”

If you had to wager a guess about which gender says ‘I love you’ first in a relationship, where would you put your money? According to a new study, it’s men who often take the first leap. The Chicago Sun-Times says on average, men consider saying the three words almost six weeks before their partners do.