Bello Maasaba has found Mrs. Right…107 times. Even in his homeland of Nigeria, where polygamy is accepted, that’s on the high side says the LA Times.  Currently, he has 86 wives—the youngest is 19; the oldest, 64—because he’s divorced 12 (for disobedience) and nine have died. What the Times reporter really wants to know, any finally gets around to asking, is something I was curious about too: “how does he meet their romantic needs?”

Where have all the good nicknames gone? The New York Times says this year’s NBA playoffs are “devoid of onomastic pleasures”: there’s no Magic, Air or even a Mailman. And it’s not just basketball. Actually, it’s not just sports. Sociologists say there’s been a general shift in America over the past decade, away from nicknames.

The world’s largest high-definition TV was unveiled yesterday on a North Carolina NASCAR racetrack reports the Charlotte Observer this morning. Clocking in at 200 feet by 80 feet, the screen is about 30 percent larger than the $400-million one in place at Cowboys Stadium.

Best hair doesn’t come with the same amount of pressure. Neither does best personality. No, the worst thing, according to the Wall Street Journal, to be named in a high-school poll? Most likely to succeed. More than a third of the people who’ve had the prediction bestowed upon them in their teens say it’s become “a curse” later in their lives.

It’s not a question of ‘us’ versus ‘them’ in today’s Chicago Tribune, it’s one of ‘we’ versus ‘they’. Specifically, which one is correct when describing the killing of Osama bin Laden. We (at Pat’s Papers) pointed out several instances in the days following bin Laden’s death in which they (newspaper editors) chose to use the collective ‘we’ as their pronoun of choice. But is it correct? VIDEO

Instead of steam cleaning, some brides are opting for a decidedly different way to deal with their wedding dresses after the big day is over says the Philadelphia Inquirer: trashing them. Those who opt to destroy their dresses—11 percent do, according to a recent survey—say it offers them some catharsis, and fodder for a really good photo shoot.

I’ve come to terms with the fact that hockey is a second-class sport in most of America. So I enjoyed St. Petersburg Times reporter Ben Montgomery’s front-page column today about the joys of discovering the sport. Montgomery says after a lifetime of ignoring hockey, he has become the ultimate “bandwagon jumper.”:  “I haven’t paid attention to as many Canadians since the Barenaked Ladies debuted.”

Zimbabwe issued a 100-trillion-dollar bill back in 2009 says the Wall Street Journal. In New York, that would pay for two subway rides and some gum, if you could find one of those 25-cent packs. That’s because the huge bill—the biggest ever produced for legal tender—is only worth about $5. On eBay, however, it’s another story.

My kids have this electronic 20 Questions game and I’ve got to admit its ability to guess what you’re thinking is pretty amazing. The Washington Post explains the concept of artificial intelligence, which is used to power the game, in today’s Kids Post.

A new study has found that mothers of twins tend to live longer than other mothers says the LA Times. But researchers believe it’s a bit of a chicken-and-egg situation: because women who have twins tend to be healthier from the get-go, they are more likely to have a pair. In other words, being healthy could increase a woman’s chances of having twins.

Turns out there’s a method to the madness that is Donald Trump’s hair. The New York Daily News reprints the step-by-step instructions Trump gave Rolling Stone in a recent interview lest anyone should like to recreate his coif. Trump maintains his signature style is not a comb over, rather it’s more of a “little bit forward and back” strategy.

They may be the most unwelcome part of summer: yellow armpit stains. The Wall Street Journal says more and more companies are trying to solve the perennial problem with new products aimed directly at the “yellowing phenomenon.” Unfortunately, one of the major culprits is antiperspirant residue.

Here’s a philosophical riddle: If JetMan flies over the Grand Canyon and no journalists are there to witness it, does it actually happen? The Las Vegas Review-Journal says Swiss adventurer Yves Rossy finally made his way across the five-mile canyon via jet pack last Saturday after canceling his scheduled flight on Friday. Only problem? No one was there to see him do it. VIDEO

There are movie trailers. And then there are Will Smith’s movie trailers. Residents of SoHo are up in arms over the “gargantuan, double-decker moveable mansion” Smith has parked on the street while he films “Men in Black III.” The New York Post says with marble floors throughout, the trailer is bigger than most two-bedroom, two-bathroom apartments in Manhattan. Weekly rent? $9000. VIDEO

If you’re trying to lose weight, invest in a microwave says the New York Post. Consumer Reports recently put a handful of the diet strategies through the ringer and Jenny Craig was named the winner. Testers say there was just one problem with the microwavable, pre-portioned meals: “We tasted this food, and it’s not that delicious.”

Dude! It’s not exactly sweater-wearing weather but if you’re a “Big Lebowski” fan, listen up. The Oregonian says the Dude’s sweater will be auctioned off later this month, along with “three modern copies.” If you don’t have time to book a trip to Beverly Hills, don’t worry—the Oregon mill responsible for the sweater is bringing back a tribute version this September that will sell for $188.

New York Times golf writer Bill Pennington looks at the amazing Polara golf ball in today’s paper. Pennington says the ball, which features a dimple design, corrects one of “the basic truths of the planet,” namely that most golfers can’t hit in a straight line. But Polara is not a legal design under the rules set forth by the United States Golf Association, causing a conundrum for those who’d like to use it.

It’s the new Newt Gingrich. On the heels of the announcement that he’ll run for president in 2012, the New York Times says the former Speaker of the House’s second act is a “curious tale of Washington re-invention.” The story goes on to say Gingrich has essentially used his third wife—a woman he famously had an affair with—to serve as a character witness.

Things you can no longer buy in San Francisco: a new American car. The city’s last domestic car dealership—the San Francisco Ford Lincoln Mercury—closed its door last week says the Chronicle, without a word of warning. Says a Chevy dealer that sold his own lot years ago: “People in San Francisco just weren’t buying Cadillac Escalades. You can’t even park them in the parking structures here.”

They called them Ben-Gals. And this one’s been doing her thing long enough to warrant some Ben-Gay. The Cincinnati Enquirer profiles Laura Vikmanis, who at 42 is the NFL’s oldest cheerleader. Since Vikmanis made the squad three years ago, Hollywood has decided that her life story is perfect for the big screen and recently bought the rights. VIDEO

Microsoft has just secured a deal to buy Skype for the cool sum of $8.5 billion. The Seattle Times says it’s the biggest acquisition in the company’s history and is a sign that Microsoft is getting more aggressive about its foray into the tablet and smartphone business. The Wall Street Journal says it’s likely that Microsoft will “tread carefully” while integrating Skype into its mobile devices so as not to upset cell phone providers who could be irked that customers can now make low-cost calls over the Internet via their smartphones. 

Looking to avoid a dog bite? Then avoid California and Illinois says the Chicago Tribune, which ranked number one and two on State Farm’s list of states with highest dog-bite claims. It’s the first time the insurer has put together the list, which interestingly doesn’t seem correlated to population size.

The New York Times scores a super rare interview this morning, with Stephen Hawking, and it’s as interesting to read how the interview was conducted as it is to read what Hawkings has to say. To communicate, Hawkings looks at a screen built into his wheelchair on which commonly built words stream across. “With a cheek muscle,” he indicates which ones he needs and slowly begins to build sentences.

Most politicians hope and pray that the topless photos they took in their youth don’t surface. So when Illinois Rep. Aaron Schock appeared, shirtless, on the cover of Men’s Health this month, the Washington Post had to ask the inevitable: why did he do it? More specifically, the paper asks (tongue not in cheek, because it’s his hometown) how Schock’s ab portrait will play in Peoria.

“This is a message from the President.” OMG. Talk about a serious text message. USA Today says a new emergency alert system is being unveiled today in New York and Washington DC. Cell phone customers can opt out of a second tier of alerts but ones on the Presidential level will be automatically sent to all phones. 

Contemplating bigger breasts but still undecided? There is, of course, an app for that. The Daily Mail says if you notice that photos of yourself on your boyfriend’s Facebook page look a little larger than life, he may be experimenting with iAugment, a new app that lets you digitally increase your bust.

After 25 years of marriage, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver have separated. According to the LA Times, the couple has been living apart for several weeks.  The statement announcing their separation came after a series of pointed questions from the Times. No word on whether they’ll be back….together.

Before they could say ‘Ciao’, the cast of MTV’s “Jersey Shore” was told ‘Arrivederci’ by officials in Florence reports the New York Post this morning. The cast was heading to the airport for a flight to Italy to film the fourth season of their reality series when word came that their permits to film in the city’s famous tourist sites had been yanked. Snooki and company returned to New Jersey until the situation could be resolved.

Move over Fabio, there’s a new leading man in town. The Washington Post says following their recent successes in Pakistan, Navy SEALs are the most desirable men in the world of romance novels. Calling them “superheroes without the spandex,” publishers are expecting a “flurry of Navy SEAL-themed pitches and manuscripts in the coming weeks.”

Two men are in custody after a very eventful day at O’Hare yesterday afternoon says the Chicago Tribune. Claiming that he’d had a “rough Mother’s Day,” a 34-year-old man tried to open the plane’s emergency exit mid-flight. He was quickly subdued by other passengers. On another flight out of the city, a 28-year-old man rushed the cockpit. He, however, didn’t cite Mother’s Day as one of his reasons.