Not only is chivalry dead, says the LA Times, “it was buried at sea long ago.” A group of Swedish researchers wanted to see if the old “women and children first” adage actually holds up under historical scrutiny. So they looked at 18 shipping disasters dating back to the 1850s. Turns out “every man for himself” is more accurate—data shows crew members (61%) and captains (44%) were the most likely to survive, followed by male passengers (37%) and then women (27%) and children (15%).

“Who could resist the Wheaties box?” asks Jason Gay in his Wall Street Journal column this morning. He’s talking about 17-year-old swimmer Missy Franklin, who is clinging to her amateur status. That’s going to get harder, says Gay, now that she’s an Olympic sensation. Franklin competed in two races yesterday, with only 13 minutes between (Gay: “That’s like, half a ‘Seinfeld.’”) and managed to win gold in the second.

Call it squats with tots. The New York Daily News says new moms are swapping dumbbells for newborns to shed their baby weight. The cute exercise craze is catching on with mothers who want to exercise but don’t have the money for a babysitter, or just simply don’t want to leave their little ones at home. Apparently, babies really do work as weights and it keeps them entertained to boot.

In San Francisco they’re called “parklets.” In Chicago, they’re being marketed as “people spots,” says the Tribune. Basically, they are miniature parks built, semi-permanently, in a curbside parking spot. That means more room for the public to hang out on the street—and fewer parking spots for those circling the block.

According to the Wall Street Journal, “The. Obama. Campaign. Slogan. Is. Causing. Grammarians. Whiplash.” Specifically, it’s the period at the end of his motion-filled “Forward” slogan that has people stopping short.  President Obama signed off on the slogan, but has been heard making jokes about the ill-placed period (“Forward! Period. Full stop.”) Says one of the president’s advisors: “It could be worse. It could be ‘Forward’ comma.”

The New York Times has a detailed account of the misdeeds of author Jonah Lehrer. After admitted that he made up quotes from Bob Dylan for his book “Imagine: How Creativity Work,” the 31-year-old author resigned from his position at the New Yorker. This is big—the book is #22 on the best seller list this week and now it’s been pulled from stores.

Folks, here’s the justification you’ve been waiting for: Massage is “more than a luxury”—it’s healthy. The Washington Post says in addition to relieving pain, a good massage can help those who suffer from depression and anxiety, help one sleep better, and banish stress hormones. The key is to get a massage that’s not too hard and not too soft.

Lynn and Rick Raisman may be bigger stars than their daughter. The parents of US gymnast Aly Raisman have become a “YouTube hit” after being spotted (hilariously) mirroring their daughter’s bar routine in the stands. USA Today interviewed the pair in this morning’s paper and Rick Raisman had this to say: “I’m a little horrified right now.” WATCH THE VIDEO