She’ll definitely be a princess bride. But as the Pittsburgh Post Gazette points out, there’s “been barely a whisper” about whether or not Kate Middleton will be a virgin bride. That’s markedly different from the media coverage of Princess Diana’s wedding 29 years ago, when an uncle declared her “bona fide virgin.”

Treehouse life has proven dangerous for Joan Baez. The San Jose Mercury News says the 69-year-old singer fell from her 20-foot-high treehouse on Wednesday suffering some injuries in the fall. Baez is resting and doctors predict she “shall overcome” her injuries shortly.

“Can’t We All Just Get Along?” That’s the front-page headline in this morning’s USA Today. And I couldn’t agree more. The search for civility is on in Washington DC. But although moderates from both parties are calling for a return to good manners, the paper rightly points out that “the loudest voices tend to come from the extremes.”

In today’s Washington Post, Charles Krauthammer writes that “‘Don’t touch my junk’ is the anthem of the modern man.” He’s referring to the software engineer who issued that warning to a TSA employee giving him a thorough pat down—and then uploaded the encounter to YouTube. But Krauthammer says the phrase has a much wider application.

The New York Times has a sad update about Target, a stray dog who became a hero in Afghanistan after defending US Troops from a suicide bomber, this morning. Earlier this year Target was flown to Arizona, given a hero’s welcome and adopted by a local family. But sadly, after escaping his new home earlier this week, Target was mistakenly euthanized.

A unicycle-riding circus performer is suing the NYPD for $3 million after getting a ticket for riding on sidewalk says the New York Daily News. And the law appears to be on his side—the no-riding-on-the-sidewalk ban describes a bicycle as a two or three-wheeled vehicle.

Are you a grunter? Before your mind falls into the gutter, let me clarify: do you grunt while working out at the gym? Chicago Tribune health columnist Julie Deardorff takes up the issue of how loudly one may exhale at the gym before it veers into inappropriate territory.

They’re called “institutionals.” And if you watch college football, you’ve seen them. They’re the 30-second ads colleges are allowed to inject into football telecasts and in today’s Wall Street Journal, they get reviewed.  VIDEO

I’m not sure what’s more embarrassing about this video—the fact that Erin Barry shows up in the middle of Eva Longoria and Tony Parker once again—or Tony Parker in that wig. Her lips may be sealed now but back in 2008, Barry called Parker a “drag” while channeling her inner Rizzo in a promotional video for the Spurs says the New York Daily News.  VIDEO

Feel a mid-life crisis looming? Maybe it’s time for a visit to Rock and Roll camp. USA Today has five vacation ideas in this morning’s paper that will allow 40-year-old adults to pretend like they’re kids again.

Feeling short of breath? You might want to log out of Facebook. The LA Times says a group of Italian scientists claim that Facebook can trigger asthma attacks. The finding is based on a patient who had his asthma in check—until he logged on to see pictures of his newly ex-girlfriend and her new suitor.

Yes, they were wearing camouflage. But you’d think the mesh shirts would’ve been a clue. The New York Post says a troupe of dancers set off a panic yesterday when they abandoned their car in the Lincoln Tunnel and tried to hoof it to a live TV talent show. They almost made it…until the Joint Terrorism Task Force was called in.

In case you live under a rock, today is the premiere of the penultimate Harry Potter movie. And in case you haven’t seen the other six, the LA Times put together a very useful “primer for Muggles.” Important information includes who the good guys and who the bad guys are.