Tiger Woods’ wife was not the only angry person on the Thanksgiving morning that the golfer ran into a fire hydrant. The Orlando Sentinel says the Florida Highway Patrol received hundreds of letters and emails charging the agency with “treating Woods more like a celebrity than a suspect.” The FHP never got around to interviewing Woods after the accident and instead, wrote him a $164 ticket for reckless driving. READ THE LETTERS

It was more Mistress America that Miss America. Howard Stern hosted a beauty pageant yesterday for several of the women linked to Tiger Woods. And the New York Post couldn’t resist this headline: “Skanks for the Memories.” Cocktail waitress Jamie Jungers won the contest (and $75,000) for disclosing a few of the odd nicknames - “little coffee cup” and “Jamie juices” -  Woods called her. 

Men want sex until they’re almost dead. That’s what British researchers concluded after discovering that, gasp, men are more interested in sex than women. The Atlanta Journal-Constitution points out that when it comes to actual sex, the disparity between genders only increases over time. Almost 40 percent of men in the 75-to-85-year-old age group report being sexually active, while less than 20 percent of women do.

The most distracted driver on the road may be the guy who just gave you a ticket for texting while driving. The New York Times says police cruisers, outfitted with “dashboard computers, sophisticated radios, navigation systems and cellphones,” are some of the biggest distractions on the road. Especially since officers are required to use them “at high speeds, while weaving through traffic, sirens blaring.”

Ever wonder how to get a severed finger up to room temperature? Cook it, obviously. The San Jose Mercury News says the woman who went to jail for scamming Wendy’s by putting a human finger in a cup of chili reveals how she cooked up the scheme in a recent interview. The woman says she paid $100 for the ring finger; Wendy’s estimates they lost over $21 million in business over the fraud.

The CDC has a new way to track food-borne illnesses says the Star Tribune: customer loyalty cards. The agency was able to trace a recent outbreak of salmonella by looking at the sales recorded on customers’ frequent shopper cards. Some consumer advocates say they worry that the CDC’s successful detective work could make such cards mandatory in the check-out lane.

Anyone know what a “skanky cake” is? That’s one of the descriptors that Esquire magazine says a Madison Avenue firm was floating before settling on “milkaholic” for the E-Trade Super Bowl ad that Lindsay Lohan has filed a $100 million suit over. According to the New York Post, the spot was originally supposed to feature a baby named Deborah but a memo shows the ad firm changed to Lindsay at the last minute. SEE THE DOCUMENTS

A Mississippi high school chose to cancel prom rather than let a gay student attend with her girlfriend says the Clarion-Ledger. When the 18-year-old spoke to a teacher about the issue after a memo was circulated prohibiting same-sex couples from attending the dance, the teacher told her: “Remember where you are.” The ACLU of Mississippi says the ban is a violation of the girl’s civil rights.

America has a dirty mouth. The Boston Globe says “from movie theaters to sports arenas to the blogosphere, F-bombs and S-bombs are detonating like Fourth of July fireworks.” The seemingly recent explosion of profanity has led to efforts around the country aimed at cleaning up our vocabulary. But free speech advocates worry that by sanitizing public discourse, lawmakers are infringing on our right to free speech.

They shared more than just a name. Actor Corey Feldman remembers his longtime friend, Corey Haim, in a short piece published in today’s New York Post. Feldman writes that Haim’s death “is a tragic loss of a wonderful, beautiful, tormented soul, who will always be my brother, family, and best friend.” The LA Times says Haim’s death has been preliminarily linked to an overdose of prescription drugs. He was 38.

In a world composed by iTunes, who can even remember the days of the eight track? But the Wall Street Journal says one of the shortest-lived music formats of all time still has some collectors. Among them is Tiny Tim’s former manager, who wants to open a museum. His rationale? “There are certainly lesser topics that have museums.”

Everybody knows someone who loves to brag about not owning a TV. Well, the New York Times says that person is slowly being replaced by another type of braggart - the one who watches a lot of TV but doesn’t subscribe to cable. The Times says you can find most shows online, but points out notable exceptions like live sports and HBO programs.

There are high fat and low fat foods. And then there are high fat and low fat clothes. The New York Daily News says you can look 10 pounds thinner just by wearing the right clothes. High fat clothes to avoid include anything oversized or made with excessive fabric. And unfortunately, as with low fat foods, slimming clothes tend to be plain and boring.

There’s a guerrilla knitter on the loose in New Jersey. The Press of Atlantic City says that under the cover of darkness, tiny sweaters have been popping up around lampposts and trees. The person or persons responsible for the “knitted cozies” has yet to come forward.