I had a sneaking suspicion about this but had no idea it was so extreme: The Wall Street Journal has been running a stopwatch on NFL games.  In a typical 3-hour televised game, you’ll see just 11 minutes of actual football played. The paper says that’s barely enough time to boil an egg.

What would Andy Warhol have done? A Colorado man has been arrested for stocking shelves with bottles of Gatorade relabeled with a picture of Tiger Woods and his wife on one side and the word “unfaithful” on the other. The Denver Post says the man did it in the name of “pop art.”

The crisis in Haiti marks the first time aid groups have used full-scale text campaigns to solicit donations. But the Sun Sentinel warns that in the wake of a natural disaster, con artists tend to proliferate. Experts estimate that two weeks after Hurricane Katrina more than 4,000 donation websites cropped up, many of them based overseas. The paper has a good checklist of things to look for before making a donation.

International aid has begun to arrive in Haiti but the LA Times says it’s hard to notice it amid such chaos. Many planes filled with supplies have had to turn back after not being able to land at the country’s crippled ports. Officials say the potential for violence and looting grows more serious every day.

Doomsday has been delayed a minute. The Washington Post says scientists in charge of the Doomsday Clock rounded back the time to 11: 54 yesterday “after spirited debates about current trends in science and politics.” The clock was established after World War II to remind people of the threat nuclear warfare poses to humanity.

“Don’t Step On Me!” is the headline in the New York Post this morning after the world’s tallest man poses for a picture with the world’s smallest. At two feet five inches, He Pingping’s cannot even wrap his hand around one of 8-foot-one-inch Sultan Kosen’s fingers.

All they can get is a busy signal. In Haitian communities around the US, people are desperate for any word about their friends and family says the Boston Globe.  According to the Wall Street Journal, Tuesday’s earthquake knocked out half of the country’s 20 international satellite links. And the ones that remain operable are swamped by thousands of “phone calls, tweets, video, emails and texts” as people try to locate their loved ones and aid agencies try to organize relief efforts.

The destruction unfolding in Haiti is the top story in most newspapers this morning. The Miami Herald says corpses filled the streets of Port-au-Prince yesterday as rescue workers frantically searched through the rubble for survivors. Experts worry the death toll could reach as high as 500,000 reports the New York Post. Corky Siemaszko of the New York Daily News describes the earthquake’s aftermath in the capital city, writing that “Port-au-Prince was Warsaw or Dresden circa 1945 - a ruined hulk that bore the barest resemblance to what it once was.”

Ready for a shock? New analyses put the nation’s debt at 70 percent of the GDP. Put another way, that’s about $40,000 for every American, and that doesn’t include the money states owe or the amount owed to individual creditors. USA Today says we haven’t had a level of debt this high since World War II.

The CDC reports that obesity rates in the US are leveling off after years of being on the rise. But that doesn’t mean the country has its weight problem under control says the LA Times. Americans are still the fattest population on the planet with more than 68 percent of adults categorized as obese or overweight.

The Denver school district has issued an apology after what it called a “well-intentioned but highly insensitive” menu in honor of Martin Luther King Jr. Day. The Post says the planned collard greens and fried chicken were interpreted as some to be racist.

Even the Food Network uses stunt doubles. The Chicago Tribune says vegetables from the White House garden were widely promoted as the secret ingredient on recent episode of “Iron Chef.” The only problem was that they were ringers. Eagle-eyed viewers noticed the discrepancy when the show’s three stars were shown cooking in New York City after picking produce in Washington DC.

A hybrid online shopping idea is catching on in France. The Chronodrive supermarket takes orders online, but replaces delivery with a drive-by pickup window. The Wall Street Journal reports French buyers shop more frequently than Americans, and delivery fees had been scaring away potential online shoppers.

You’ve paid the price by overspending or flying for days. Your frequent flier account is up to 25,000 miles and now you want to book a free trip somewhere. But there’s nothing available. The Wall Street Journal has some inside tips.

Meet Mikey. The New York Times says the 8-year-old boy is on the TSA’s terrorist watch list. I guess he’s not really but he shares a name with somebody who is. That means every time he flies with his family is an ordeal - he was first patted down by airport security when he was two.

A California woman got a big surprise when she returned to her car to find it gone - along with her two-year-old son who was waiting inside. The San Jose Mercury News says the car dealership that repossessed the vehicle didn’t see the toddler until they had arrived back at the lot.

I am a door locker. Even when I lived outside of New York City, locking up has always been part of my leaving the house routine. But apparently not everyone agrees. The New York Times writes “just as there are cat people and dog people, Mac people and PC people, there seem to be Lock People and No Lock People.”

David Pogue agrees with me on the 3-D TV. He writes about “upgrade fatigue” in his New York Times column this morning, doubting whether Americans are ready to shell out again for a product (that seems to be a mild improvement at best) so soon after transitioning to the “new, flat-panel, high-definition age.”

In science fiction, computers have always been able to understand what people say. In real life, it’s a more recent development. USA Today reports speech recognition software has improved so much that you can now talk to your iPhone and have a reasonable expectation that it will accurately type what you say.

MTV is banking on a show that is, gasp, not of the reality variety. The LA Times says the network is hoping that “The Hard Times of RJ Berger,” their new comedy about a boy with an “anatomical gift,” has what it takes to boost ratings.

The New York Post says Jay Leno has emerged as the villain in NBC’s “Tonight Show” brouhaha. And you know they couldn’t wait to run this headline: “Leno’s Taking it on the Chin.” Insiders claim instead of retiring last year, Leno stumped for the 10 PM time slot so he could step in if Conan O’Brien faltered.

The destruction unfolding in Haiti is the top story in most newspapers this morning. The Miami Herald says corpses filled the streets of Port-au-Prince yesterday as rescue workers frantically searched through the rubble for survivors. Experts worry the death toll could reach as high as 500,000 reports the New York Post. Corky Siemaszko of the New York Daily News describes the earthquake’s aftermath in the capital city, writing that “Port-au-Prince was Warsaw or Dresden circa 1945 - a ruined hulk that bore the barest resemblance to what it once was.”

Furniture stores have figured out how to make people buy couches in a down economy: give them a free flat-screen TV. The Boston Globe says the deals are especially resonating with consumers now that the Super Bowl is right around the corner.

Even the Food Network uses stunt doubles. The Chicago Tribune says vegetables from the White House garden were widely promoted as the secret ingredient on recent episode of “Iron Chef.” The only problem was that they were ringers. Eagle-eyed viewers noticed the discrepancy when the show’s three stars were shown cooking in New York City after picking produce in Washington DC.

A hybrid online shopping idea is catching on in France. The Chronodrive supermarket takes orders online, but replaces delivery with a drive-by pickup window. The Wall Street Journal reports French buyers shop more frequently than Americans, and delivery fees had been scaring away potential online shoppers.

Meet Mikey. The New York Times says the 8-year-old boy is on the TSA’s terrorist watch list. I guess he’s not really but he shares a name with somebody who is. That means every time he flies with his family is an ordeal - he was first patted down by airport security when he was two.

MTV is banking on a show that is, gasp, not of the reality variety. The LA Times says the network is hoping that “The Hard Times of RJ Berger,” their new comedy about a boy with an “anatomical gift,” has what it takes to boost ratings.